Post 14: Morris the Ostrich

I couldn't just sit idly by and await my Nobel Peace Prize could I? I had to get back out there. I had to find my next pile!


I drove to Somerset. I fancied some cheese. Somerset is a good place to get cheese. I bought some cheese.


But then something caught my eye.


Right next to the cheese-farm was a ginormous Ostrich-farm.


Filled with Ostriches!!


They were engaged in such frivolity! racing each other and flapping around.
In one corner two studious looking Ostriches were playing chess in another some young Ostriches were practising their alphabet and all the old ostriches were smoking pipes and talking about slippers.. on first glance this Ostrich farm seemed a halcyon utopia of Ostrichey goodness...


But I've never been one to trust a first glance, after all the difference between a first glance and second glance could be this and this.


I wasn't falling for that again...


So I afforded myself a second glance, and that's when I saw it... 

A breakaway group of Ostriches had gathered in the farthest right corner of the field. Half a dozen Ostriches milled about looking shifty, their heads were shaved, Germanic Punk music blasted from a nearby ghetto blaster and their necks were webbed with sinister looking ink-art.


I had heard about the notorious Neo-Nazi Ostriches of Cheddar Gorge... But I never thought I'd see them.


I sidled closer until I noticed what they were gathering around, they were taking turns reading from copies of Hitler's autobiography: Mein Kampf.... in fact they had loads of copies of the same book!! A VERITABLE DESPICAPILE OF MEIN KAMPF'S!!!



I was appalled by this behaviour and could not help myself releasing a huffy little hurrumph...

It was heard by all, and the Ostriches instantly discarded their hate-lit and began bashing their heads into the soil.


I attempted to beseech to the giant stupid-looking birds, to teach them about love and compassion, about sharing our World with every RACE of MANKIND and every SPECIES of BIRDKIND and ANIMALKIND.


We should accept and celebrate our differences and grow and learn from these  to become better people and do GOOD on this earth. I explained how I had caught the Taleban and how everybody was now friends, all thanks to me, Robert Ian Cooper, Pile-Hunter, Adventurer, and all round good guy.


But they weren't having it.

Their heads remained firmly buried in the sand.


Ignoramus Ostriches.


I despaired. 


I despaired at their single-minded hate.


And I despaired at such a compoundingly obvious metaphor...


and then I went on my way. I had some Cheese to eat.


WARNING


Do not eat giant slabs of mature cheese as though it were an apple. This is bad form.

Morris, just one of several Fascist Ostriches found in Cheddar Gorge