Post 2: Dolly the Duck

For my next study I concentrated on a member of the wildlife family who lives a little closer to home, the Great British Duck.


Not much is known about these mysterious creatures, they swarm in to our rivers and ponds in their thousands, speaking to each other only in French, brazenly mating in public and mysteriously flying off to China each year to gather fresh strains of Flu.


Because of this evil within their feathery genes, the common British pastime of feeding ducks has become less and less common, and all too often these elegant yet dastardly creatures are left to fend for themselves, often forced to look beneath the waves for creatures of the deep to eat. 


Something had to be done.


I wasn't there to witness it, but I have been reliably informed that the EMPEROR OF THE DUCKS called a duck meeting and all the other ducks agreed to his despotic new doctrine. This is when ducks started loitering around the backs of supermarkets and bakeries, and when MANKIND was not looking they would thieve as many loaves as their little bills could snaffle, storing them in their little duck houses.


I spent many hours following Dolly the Duck until she led me to her illicit bread shelter - which housed 6 loaves of Hovis wholemeal bread. Piled with such care and neatness, Dolly was evidently proud of her kleptomania, scant regard given to the baker whose children would go hungry that night.


After sketching Dolly with her pile I left swiftly before the ducks uncovered me in my cunning disguise. After witnessing the majesty of Bobby the Whale, my faith in animal-kind had received a bludgeoning as it became apparent that the dishonesty involved in some species would force me to take a fresh view on the so called innocence of WILDLIFE. Over the coming days I would make further discoveries that shine a torch on the unchecked criminality rife amongst so many of 'Gods' beautiful beasts and birds.

WARNING

For any ducks reading this, you must realise the folly of your actions, the excess litter created by the bread-bags and sticky tie-up things that tie up the bread bags and stop all the bread falling out is rendering your homes uninhabitable. Think about what you are doing. Stop stealing from the common baker. You will soon be left hungry AND homeless.

Dolly the Duck, unknowingly spotted on the River Ouze