Post 4: Malky the Macaroni Penguin

I was at a low.


An all time low.


I had to get away, as far away as I could go.

So I jumped on board my super-happy-fun-boat and went to the Antarctic.


Initially whilst there I embroiled myself in the local customs, getting to know the different kinds of snow, fishing through little holes in the ice and observing weather. 


I had a lovely little break from WILDLIFE, but I knew my mission would have to start up again eventually, so after one month I reluctantly set out into the Icy wilderness to meet my destiny: The Macaroni Penguin...

HE WAS NOT BEST PLEASED TO MEET ME


News of my pile exposés had travelled fast through the bird kingdom, and I had already gained a somewhat unwanted infamy. Birds were being more vigilante than ever about secreting their piles and I realised I would have to gain some trust before I would witness a pile in the coldest place on earth, I put on an extra pair of gloves and, attempting to shed my clear distrust, I took on the role of seducer.


I spent 6 days with Malky the Macaroni Penguin, where, despite a fairly aggressive welcome, we soon became firm friends, this was due to the fact that I wrote him poetry (available on request) and massaged his wings with a technique of which he was unfamiliar.


Finally he took me to his home and to his bed.


Where he tied me to the bedframe.


And made me some soup out of regurgitated fish guts.


Malky liked me now, but he didn't trust me. Not yet.


On Day Six Malky failed to secure my rope, unfortunately (for him) wings are not really ideal for tying knots.. and I'd also been slowly weakening them with my massaging technique.


 I released myself with Houdini-like skill and by adopting a cunning disguise I managed to trace his journey miles through the barren desert of snow.


Eventually my patience paid off and I spotted Malky with his pile... shockingly it was...


A pile of fish


Anti-climactic? Yes. A Relief? Oh Yes!!!


Malky's predictability had reaffirmed my faith in WILDLIFE. Giving me a new zest for the mission I hurried back to his little home, enjoyed one last messy night with him and his friends and set off back to civilisation, eagerly anticipating my next animal, and my next pile.


I was now sure not all WILDLIFE was evil. I was a happy pile-hunter again.


WARNING


The Antarctic is cold. Wear more than pants.


Side note: It is with deep regret that I failed to exploit my time with the penguins by discussing further their war with the whales.

Malky unknowingly posing with his pile of fishies